Now Seeking: Job Fairies

Why aren't job seekers magically provided with a personal marketing department? I think a team of professionals should be requisite for anyone attempting to contact a Human Relations (Humbling Repository? Inhumane Response?) Department. This team could distribute press releases, develop a self-promotional advertising campaign, and tailor cover letters and resumes to accurately reflect one's position on the bleeding-edge of one's chosen field.

Of course, since employment status is at stake, the marketing team would work pro bono. Or perhaps those seeking greener pastures could foot the bill for the rest of us who, after watching our dreams wilt and wither, are attempting to find any viable clod of grass. On a sliding scale, for sake of fairness.

I imagine this team to be quite literally magical. Like fairies. But less obnoxious. No offense to the Tinkerbells of this world, but I'm expecting real polished professionals. Less mischief, more magic fairy dust.

I think the fairy element is most important. After weeks of searching, it's easy to lose faith in the prospect of finding a job. It's comparatively easy to keep the faith in fairies. According to Peter Pan, I just need to clap my hands to restore gusto to the sickest sprite. I tried to give my resume a round of applause, and it just sat there. Hearts have yet to be set alight with wonder in response to my CV.

Each resume I send out has a silent addendum attached. It says, "take a chance on me." Just like that song by ABBA. I watched a documentary about them once. A producer talked about the band's use of dubbing to create that oddly hypnotic ABBA sound. He explained how one of harmony tracks is sped up so it's about a 1/4 step above the natural note. The dissonance created by this effect makes the final track feel magical. But if it slowed down, as if you were to play a 45 at 33 1/3, it sounds lethargic and distorted. I feel like my 45 is playing too slow.

I want job fairies so I can figure out how to send out a resume and cover letter that says one thing clearly and without distortion:

I am worth the risk.